Moment of truth: I’m so over the song “Some Nights”. –just like every over played song on the radio right now. But tonight while I’m digging through college scholarships and researching different colleges, one line stuck with me: “What do I stand for? Most nights I don’t know.”
Searching for the right college has been such a ride. I’ve thought of different places across the country, and lately, I’ve been thinking maybe I don’t want to go that far. But I don’t think it has anything to do with how far I’ll be from home. No matter how far I go, I’ll always get back home. But where I go could affect what kind of life I live. I am not sure how much it will affect what kind of person I will be, because I know what I believe in. However, college is such a huge step into becoming an adult that I honestly think it will mold me into whatever kind of person I am really meant to become.
Right now, I am searching for somewhere that will open up many different opportunities for me. But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I really put myself out there and went for film. Would I fail? Would I hate the college? Would I get the whole college experience if I went to a school that just focused on the arts? I don’t really know, and I’ve been pulling away from it because I’m scared. I don’t want to make the wrong decision. And I don’t want to waste time and money on something that I probably won’t pursue. But there’s this part of me that screams WHY THE HECK NOT? I have the creativity. I have the brains. I have the drive. And if you don’t think I have what it takes to make it in the industry, then you have completely underestimated what I am capable of.
My right brain and my left brain are completely conflicted. But so are my head and my heart. And with everything in me so confused, the process of applying to college is becoming more and more difficult.
I really find myself asking “What do I stand for? And what am I willing to do to fulfill my dreams?”