Today is my Grandma’s birthday. Or at least, it was. They say with time it gets easier, but no amount of time can bring back my Grandma. No amount of time can change the fact that every day I miss her more and more. All it does is put more strain on my memory, threatening all I have left of her. I know that she wouldn’t want us to dwell on what we cannot change, and so instead, I want to focus on the light that she brought and continues to bring to me. And so on her birthday, I can’t stop thinking of what I want her to know.
Not a day passes that I don’t think about you. I know you’re watching. Through my good times, through my heart aches, through my failures and triumphs, I can feel you with me. You taught me to believe in God, and I haven’t always had the most conventional beliefs about religion, but I can feel your love and His love with me every day. Some days I want nothing more than a Grandma hug and reminder that everything is going to be okay. And most days I still don’t truly believe that I can’t do that anymore.
A few nights ago, I stumbled upon some old really poor-quality videos that I took of Sydney on my phone when she was a baby. In both of them, I heard your voice and I heard your laugh. And it was one of the happiest and saddest moments that I have had in a long time. It felt so good to hear your voice again, especially when I didn’t think I had any record of it.
Every time someone brings up Joel Stave, I think of you and how much you liked him. Can you believe he went on to play for the Vikings? Everyone always rags on him for not being a very good football player, but I think you mostly liked him for his cute blonde-hair-blue-eyes-look anyway, right?
|PS: Sorry, Grandma. This picture was pulled from an article called “The Utterly Replaceable Quarterback”|
On your birthday, I want you to know how much I wish I could call you to wish you a happy birthday. As you always told me, thinking of you lots.
Happy birthday, Grandma.
Your Honey Girl